Section 3: relationship attitudes and ideals

What is most important in a relationship to Britons?

Asked to choose up to three options from a list of 13 that represent what matters most in a relationship to them, Britons are most likely to say “trust”, at 46% - mirroring our finding in Section 2 that the element that those in relationships are most happy with is how much they can trust their partner.

Coming second, on 38%, is “feeling loved and appreciated”. After this there is something of a gap, with “being able to be yourself” coming next on 28%, closely followed by 26% who mention mutual respect and the same number saying “good communication”.

The items on our list that people are least likely to pick are financial stability (7%), shared interests (10%) and sexual compatibility (10%).

Examining priorities by age shows that the over-60s are more likely to prioritise “mutual respect” (32%) than those in their 20s and 30s (20%), and likewise reliability (24% vs 13%).

For their part, the younger age groups are more likely to opt for “being able to be yourself” (33-34% of those in their 20s and 30s, versus 23% of the over-60s) and good communication (35% of 18-29 year olds and 30% of people in their 30s compared to 21% of the oldest age group).

When it comes to gender, while trust comes top of the list for both men and women, it is a notably more common female choice (50%) than a male one (41%).

Women are also more likely to value being able to be yourself (31% vs 24%) and reliability (20% vs 14%).

Men, by contrast, are notably more likely to say physical attraction is most important to them in a relationship (at 19%, compared to 10% of women), and also sexual compatibility (15% vs 6%).

Relationship milestones

We showed Britons nine different relationship milestones, and asked them how long someone should ideally have been seeing a new partner before doing each.

How long should you wait before having sex?

When it comes to a new partner, the most common answer is that you should have been seeing them for a month before having sex for the first time, with 25% of people putting the milestone marker here.

However, 19% say it is fine to do so within a week (our swiftest answer option), and a further 12% within two weeks – collectively, this means 56% say it is ok to have sex with a new partner within a month of knowing them. This accounts for the large bulk of opinion when you account for the fact that 22% answered “don’t know”.

Men are likewise twice as likely as women (25% vs 12%) to permit people having sex within a week.

How long should you wait to say “I love you”?

The most common amount of time people suggest before saying those three magic words is three months, with 24% saying so. A further 19% place the milestone at six months, and a faster-moving 15% at one month. Collectively, these 58% encompass the large bulk of those who gave an answer.

How long should you wait to introduce your partner to your parents / family?

Taking a new partner home to meet mum and dad is most commonly seen as something that needs to wait at least three months, with 28% giving this milestone. A similar number (24%) would push it back to six months, while 16% would do so after only a month.

How long should you wait before going on holiday with your partner?

People most commonly feel you should wait six months before flying abroad with a new beau, at 28%. Another 23% are ok with doing so at three months. One in eight would jet off with a new partner after only a month, while 5% would wait for nine months and 10% for a year.

How long should you wait before moving in with a partner?

The broadest consensus is that you should have been dating someone for at least a year before moving in, with 34% saying so. Another 15% feel six months is enough before cohabiting, while 14% push the date back further to two years.

How long should you wait before getting engaged?

The largest proportion of people think you should wait at least a year before getting engaged, with 26% laying the boundary at this point. A further 22% would say you should wait two years, and 9% think it should be more like three years. Only 14% think it’s ok to pop the question before 12 months have passed.

How long should you wait before buying a home together?

Two years is the minimum mark that the largest number of people set for buying a home together, at 26%. One in five (19%) would do so after only a year, while 13% say three years is more apt.

How long should you wait before getting married?

A quarter of Britons (24%) say you should be together at least two years before getting married, the most common answer. A further 16% say you should wait at least 3 years, while a faster-moving 14% say it’s ok to get hitched after a year. Another 6% say it should be four years, and 12% want you to wait at least five years.

Small numbers of respondents (5%) have counterintuitively given the “Being married is more important than a specific amount of time” answer option here, which we believe they have chosen as a way of expressing it doesn’t matter how long you wait before getting married.

How long should you wait before having a baby?

One in five Britons (19%) say it should be at least two years before having a baby with a partner, the most common response. A similar 16% say it should be three years, and 13% would wait five years or more.

Should your partner be able to fulfil all of your emotional needs?

Should your partner be ‘all you need’? Psychologists warn against depending on a partner to entirely fulfil you, but the public are split: 41% think a person should expect their partner to be able to fulfil all of their emotional needs, while an identical 41% say they should not.

While those Britons who are in a relationship are still largely divided on this question, those who are single are much less likely to think someone should be able to shoulder their partner’s entire emotional requirements (45%) than think they should (32%).

See full results here

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Photo: Getty